3 Does an Unhappy Marriage Increase the Risk of Illness? The Surprising Link Between Mind-Body Health and Marital Relationships

We sometimes hear the joke that “marriage is the graveyard of life,” but if that marriage is an unhappy one, this might be more than just a joke. Research by psychologist Dr. John Gottman has scientifically revealed that the marital relationship has a direct impact not only on our minds but also on our physical health, and even our lifespan.

In this article, based on Dr. Gottman’s research, we will delve into the surprising connection between marital relationships and health from a psychological perspective.

Does Marital Stress Shorten Lifespan?

While they say “even a dog won’t eat a marital quarrel” (meaning it’s something to leave alone), scientific data indicates that negative relationships between couples are a serious source of stress that erodes mind and body.

According to University of Michigan researchers Lois Verbrugge and James House, people in unhappy marriages are about 35% more likely to get sick and may have their life expectancy shortened by an average of 4 to 8 years compared to those who are not.

Why does it have such a huge impact?

Dr. Gottman explains the mechanism as a state of “chronic, diffuse physiological arousal.” This is a state where the body is constantly tense and exposed to stress.

〇 The Body of a Happy Couple

Relaxed, with normal stress hormone secretion. Heart rate is stable.

× The Body of a Discordant Couple

Constantly in battle mode (fight or flight response). Adrenaline continues to be secreted, heart rate rises, and blood pressure remains high.

Such a chronic state of stress increases the risk not only of physical illnesses like heart disease and high blood pressure but also of mental problems such as anxiety disorders, depression, and alcohol dependence.

Impact on Children

This negative impact is not limited to the couple. In Dr. Gottman’s own research, preschool children raised in families where parents have a hostile relationship were confirmed to have chronically high levels of stress hormones. And when these children were followed up to age 15, they faced many more difficulties than other children, such as truancy, depression, behavioral problems like aggression, and poor academic performance.

Many people stay in unhappy marriages “for the sake of the children,” but Dr. Gottman points out that “a peaceful divorce is far healthier for children” than continuing to show them unending marital conflict.

A Happy Marriage is the Strongest Health Supplement

On the other hand, a happy marriage is our health’s best ally. Happy couples tend not only to live longer but to live healthier lives. The key lies in the “immune system.”

In Dr. Gottman’s “Love Lab,” an experiment was conducted to see how marital satisfaction affects immune function. Blood samples were taken from subject couples to test the reaction of white blood cells to external invaders (such as viruses and bacteria).

The results were surprising.

Couples who were very satisfied with their marriage showed more active white blood cells and higher immune function compared to those who were not. In other words, a happy marriage may enhance the body’s ability to protect itself from colds, infectious diseases, and even cancer.

Furthermore, research by psychologists Janice Kiecolt-Glaser and Ron Glaser has found that the more satisfied people are with their marriage, the more active their “natural killer cells”—which destroy cancer cells and virus-infected cells in the body—are.

Dr. Gottman comments on these results:

“If a fitness enthusiast used just 10% of their workout time (e.g., 20 minutes a day) to improve their marital relationship instead of training their body, they would receive three times the health benefits obtained from exercise.”

Nurturing the marital relationship is not just about mental satisfaction; it is also the best health method.

A good marital relationship is a powerful shield that relieves daily stress and protects the mind and body. It might be the most accessible and effective way to make our lives richer and healthier than expensive supplements or rigorous training.

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books, 2015, pp. 14-15.

Modified at: Jan 10, 2026